White lines … not the ones on the field

This was too good to not share: Todd Shell, head coach of the Rattlers, our local Arena Football League team, and a two-time Super Bowl winner with the 49ers in the 1980s, was found with cocaine, according to this story. Shell was “shirtless and sweating profusely when an officer found him pacing around his Land Cruiser about 1 a.m.” on early Tuesday.

Wait, it gets better. He then told an officer he kept looking north. When officers asked why, Shell told them he was alone but said a “guy wearing camouflage is in the tree.” Cocaine? I’m thinking LSD, maybe.

After first denying the cocaine belonged to him, Shell fessed up to having an “eight ball.” Then he said he’d used cocaine ONLY three times. What can he say? The AFL is a pressure cooker.

---

In other news, you will be seeing posts very soon from my friend Royce; we’ll call him a contributing editor. His tastes are eclectic and he also was at the recent Sufjan Stevens show in Tempe, so I know about 99.6 percent of you will approve. (On that note, he was teased ruthlessly by a co-worker for wearing his Illinoise shirt to work the day after the show.) I do reckon Royce is cooking up something mighty special for his debut.

---

And I officially prostituted myself out to MySpace. Go here and make me your friend. Please. There’s even a little picture there, in case you wondered what the underside of my chin looks like.

Eight days to kickoff

Chris at Gorilla vs. Bear made his obligatory Michigan football post, so I feel it only necessary to hype up my Sun Devils of Arizona State. The Devils are ranked No. 20 in the preseason AP poll after finishing last season 9-3, including an, ahem, uplifting win in the Vitalis Sun Bowl.

The Devils lose Pac-10 record-breaking quarterback Andrew Walter (now with the Raiders), but I have high hopes for Sam Keller, the Sun Bowl MVP in his first collegiate start. WR Derek Hagan (below) is set to become the school’s all-time leading receiver and he’s a preseason Playboy All-American (hey, I read it for the articles!). The ‘D’ is stellar; yes, there is SOME defense in the Pac-10.

The schedule has its hurdles: AT Louisiana State on Sept. 10; home vs. USC on Oct. 1 (Trojans embarrassed us last year 45-7). The good news is we miss Cal on the schedule, and we open with the laughably easy Temple on Sept. 1. But I swear, if U. of Arizona beats us again this year …

The Pharcyde | Devil Music
INXS | Devil Inside

Mark Grace and the F-bomb

The Cubs and Cardinals are on ESPN right now, so I’m in a baseball mood. For those of you that didn’t hear the news last week, Mark Grace, a Diamondbacks color analyst and one of my favorite former Cubs players, let the F-bomb slip on-air about four times during what he thought was a private conversation with a producer during a D-Backs/Marlins game. A faulty “talk-back” button was blamed for the, uh, malfunction.

Gracie basically takes a few shots at D-Backs catcher Chris Snyder, unknowingly airing it to regional Fox viewers. Can’t Stop the Bleeding, a fine sports blog, has an MP3, including play-by-play man Thom Brennaman’s apology. Hilarious. (So far, I’ve seen no comments from Snyder.)

Also, baseball fans should make Yard Work a daily read. I won’t do it justice trying to explain its contents. Just read it.

Super Bowl Shuffle

It’s almost August, which means NFL teams are reporting to training camp, which means it’s never too early to start thinking about the Super Bowl. It’s like spring training, when every team thinks they have a shot. Only I’m a Bears fan and I KNOW they don’t stand a chance.

Ah, but memories. We can always milk the 1985 domination. Payton, McMahon, the Fridge. What about those linebackers? Singletary, Wilson, Marshall. Then there’s Super Bowl MVP Richard Dent. That team should have turned into a dynasty. Alas …

Yes, I’ve digitized my 12-inch vinyl of the Super Bowl Shuffle, which was in vogue long before the Ickey Shuffle. I could never decide whose verse I liked the most, but what I really could never figure out is how backup QB Steve Fuller ever got on the song.

Anyway, be sure to check out the pure cheesiness of the “Extended Vocal Mix.”

Well, without further ado, we present the Chicago Bears Shufflin’ Crew:

Vocal Mix
Extended Vocal Mix
Instrumental